【陳慧珊】有一種教育，叫學習做決定 (18) 改寫我們的真實故事

大概在我們長大成人之時，已經有足夠材料編撰一至兩本有關人生的書。當中有些內容出色得可以公諸於世，有些卻被放進抽屜有待編輯，亦有些被刪改到一半，然後覺得不值得再繼續。無論如何，我們都應慶幸，在人生戰役中已經贏了一半，因為我們仍能繼續編寫，更有望找到有趣、有價值的事情，讓我們好好記下來。

寫作的過程十分有趣，但編輯卻不然。我們希望提升故事的質與量，然而編輯卻可以令人感到沮喪，甚至懼怕。要將故事最後變成一個強而完整的版本，在編輯時，專注是前切。如果我們能夠經常以真誠、無畏無懼的心態去編輯，寫到一部稱心滿意又暢銷的終極作品並不是沒有可能。

真誠地編輯

要真誠地編輯，我們需要就已經寫下的東西進行許多反思，例如我們的感覺、想法、行為和經歷。從自身出發永遠都是個好開始。向內探索，比較一下筆下的自己與事實相差有多遠，之後便可以衡量，我們是否想面對事實，是否想為不太真確之事釐清真相。

我們有時會刻意寫下自己的期許，而不是真正的事實。這樣，多會採用創作版本，不會為內容作出修正或微調。

其實要保留一個不真實的版本是沒有問題的，視乎故事角色、感受、行為、態度、價值觀、觀點等，與現實中的我們，以及實際做法相差有多遠。不過我們必須意識到，自己其實正在撰寫另一種類小說。除了非小說類，我們也可以自己建構浪漫、恐怖或幻想世界。

可是，如果我們認為不釐清真相是無害的話，結果可能出乎意料。撰寫不夠真實的故事，過程可能會令自己，甚至身邊人都感到沮喪。

不要以為我們的行為正反映真正的所思所想，如果沒經歷過危機和矛盾，就算是最有經驗的作家，也不能創作出一個有情感起伏的角色。一個不跟隨性格發展的主角，或能短暫地過著快樂的生活，但長遠來說，行為與人物性格不乎，結局總是悲慘的。

換句話說，我們可以為自己的角色和故事加強戲劇性效果，不過與人及世界的互動下，我們有朝一日會發現臉上的表情，與內心的感受並不相同，以致連外在行為都不一致。然後我們會問，為甚麼人們都不喜歡我的行為，然後又會為此感到低落。

因此，明智的做法是盡早真誠地編寫自己的故事，讓我們可以在撰寫與修正的循環中得以延續，使過程少一點枯燥，多一點樂趣。

經常地編輯

我們要自我增值，才知道如何改寫、怎樣改寫、為甚麼我們想改寫、我們想改寫多少我們的故事。如果我們一直只單靠個人知識和經歷，比較現在和過去的自己，編輯上必會遇到困難，因為我們總會回到同一種思考模式。

因此我們要多閱讀，透過閱讀他人的故事，我們會找到值得比較的地方，找到知識的寶庫，找到靈感的泉源。我們可以在他人的故事中學習，明白甚麼才是「正常」。並會對「更好」、「更適當」、「更負責任」，建立個人見解。

把我們的想法、感受和行動與他人比較是很重要的，如果不將自己與他人建立關係，我們不會有社會的標準，亦沒有「常態」。當我們閱讀，就可以比較到自己的標準，繼而作出調整，從中改善某部分如性格、想法、行動以及/或觀點。

經常廣泛地閱讀，我們更可以接觸到「不太正常」的故事，同時可以選擇是否去迎合現況，或改善性格、態度和行為，以跳出或進入常態。我們一旦知道想借用他人哪一部分的故事，以及想借用的原因，這些經驗就會引領我們找到策略，並應用到自己的生活。

要大量地閱讀他人故事之外，我們亦要經常重讀自己的故事。當我們對自己過去有更深入的了解就可以再調整。我們可以根據我們想成為、有能成為的人的模樣，修正或改寫我們的生活。

無畏無懼地編輯

若我們太過在乎自己故事中的一個字、一句說話、一個段落，就很難重新出發。拿出勇氣去擦掉一整頁內容，有時可能是個最好的開始，因為我們在心底裏都知道，這是一件正確的事。

如果認為自己的故事不夠連貫，措辭不夠恰當，風格可以再改進，連常理都會教我們，想成長就要改變。在糾結串連句子或在起承轉合遇到難題時，試寫新的句子或者移走整個段落，可能是令人感到害怕的事。但是，如果試試關注在「得」而不是「失」，編輯的過程就會變得較為輕鬆。

就算是資深作家，都不能將故事編輯至一個他們認為完美的地步。但不斷的編輯，會令他們變得無畏無懼，願意承認的錯，亦有勇氣去承認自己有時過於自以為是，甚至把事情當成理所當然。

無畏無懼地編輯，可以為我們的瑕疵帶來明顯的改善，有利於自己的人生，以及身邊的人。

當我們將故事編輯至一個強大的版本，將最終修訂本交到出版社手上，我們應該會感覺到，作為一個專業作家，對於剛剛完成作品時的欣喜。然而，實際上是不會有最終版本，因為我們的故事會一直演化，我們會一直學習和修改。

因此，我們不用因為故事已經公諸於世而感到害怕。我們不需要因為別人喜歡，而一世背負著「我的故事」；我們亦不需要因為怕令人失望，而不願作出改變。講到底，我們仍然可以編寫續集，繼續經常真誠地、無畏無懼地編輯自己心靈的內容。

作者：陳慧珊

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Decision Making is Educational

“Editing Our True Story”

By the time we’re adults most of us have already written a book or two about our lives. Some have been good enough to publish while others have remained stashed away in our desk drawers pending revision. And still others have been revised half way only for us to find that it’s no longer worth pursuing. The good news is that we’ve already succeeded in half of the battles of life because we’ve managed to keep writing, and hopefully, keep finding interesting and worthwhile things to write about.

Writing is the fun part. Editing is not as much fun. While we meander through the river of possibilities as to the quantity and quality of revision, editing can be frustrating and even scary. However, the most important requisite to turning in a strong final version of a well-written story is to focus on the editing stage. If we edit truthfully, edit often, and edit fearlessly, we will most likely be able to come up with a satisfactory “final” product that will have a good chance at becoming a best seller.

Edit truthfully

To edit truthfully, takes a lot of inner reflection about what we have already written down about our feelings, thoughts, behaviors, and experiences. It’s always good to start at the point of self. By looking inward first to compare how close to the truth we are from what we have written down, we could first and foremost, decide whether we want to deal with the truth and whether we want to make revisions to those things that are not so true.

Sometimes, we may have purposely written a version of what we want to be true, rather than what is really true. In that case, we may decide that we like the existing version of ourselves which we have created, and decide that we don’t want to shape or fine-tune any part of it.

There’s nothing wrong with having a version that is not really true, depending on how far our story of our own character, feelings, actions, attitudes, values, perspectives, etc. are from the reality of how we’re really like or how we’ve been living our life. As long as we’re conscious of the fact that we’re writing in a different genre other than non-fiction, then it may be alright to live in a self-constructed world of romance, horror, or fantasy.

However, if we make the choice not to edit for truth, thinking we wouldn’t harm ourselves with this decision, we may be in for a big surprise. Along the way of keeping with our less truthful draft of writing, we may find that we keep doing things that frustrate ourselves and others.

While we think we’re behaving in ways that reflect what we really feel and think, even the most seasoned writers cannot logically create an inconsistent character without plunging him/her into a journey of conflicts and crisis. A protagonist who has certain characteristics but doesn’t act according to those characteristics may be able to go through life happily in the short-term, but in the long-run, inconsistency between character and behavior usually paves way for tragic endings.

In other words, we could keep writing a fictitious version of our character and story, but in our interaction with others and the world, we will one day find that the expressions on our face do not match the expressions in our heart, and therefore will not match our physical expressions in the form of what we do. Then we will question why it is people are frustrated with our behavior, and then we become frustrated with ourselves.

Therefore, perhaps it would be a smarter choice to edit for truth, at the very onset, so that as we continue in our cycle of writing and editing, that the process would be much less tedious and much more enjoyable.

Edit often

In order to edit often we need to fill our pool of knowledge so that we know what to edit, how to edit, why we want to edit, and how much we want to edit. If we keep comparing ourselves to our past selves through our existing knowledge and experiences, it would be difficult to edit often because we keep pulling from the same source of ideas. Therefore, in order to edit often we need to read often.

By reading the stories of others’ lives we could find a point of comparison, a library of information, and a source of inspiration.

When we read the stories of others, we could learn from them. We could learn what is considered “normal” and form opinions of what we consider could be “better”, more “appropriate”, and /or more “responsible”.

Our thoughts, feelings, and actions as compared to others are important because without self in relation to others there is no standard of what society and most people consider “normal”. Therefore, when we read, we could make comparisons to our own standards and make adjustments as to what could be improved in such areas as our own character, feelings, actions, and/or perspectives.

If we read often and widely, we are also exposed to experiences that are not so “normal”. Then we could choose whether to conform to the status quo or to adjust our personalities, attitudes and behaviors to fit “outside of the box” rather than in it. Once we have figured out which parts of people’s stories we want to borrow, and why we want to borrow them, experience will show us how to pinpoint strategies as to how to adapt them to our own lives.

While we read vastly the stories of others, we also need to re-read our own stories often. By reading we can fine-tune and shape according to a deeper understanding of our past selves. This way, we could edit and re-edit our lives according to the person we want to be and are capable of being.

Edit fearlessly

When we become too attached to a word, a sentence, or a paragraph in our story, it’s hard to throw it away. Sometimes the best beginning is the one where we are courageous enough to erase entire pages, because we know in our heart that it’s the right thing to do.

If we feel that the structure of the story is not coherent enough, that the tone is inappropriate, or that the style could be improved, commonsense tells us that in order to thrive, we must make changes. When we struggle to link sentences, or when transitions prove challenging, having the courage to maneuver a sentence or to move a paragraph may be scary, but if we focus on the gain rather than the loss, editing will seem more manageable.

Even seasoned writers never edit to the point where they feel that they have gotten things to the point of perfection. But they edit time and time again fearlessly. They are willing to admit that they never quite get things right, and they have the courage to admit that they are sometimes either overconfident, too self-righteous, or too often take things for granted.

By editing fearlessly, we could make significant changes to our flaws, which would be advantageous to our lives and to the people around us.

Once we have edited a strong enough version and have handed in our final draft for publication, hopefully we will feel the euphoria of a professional writer who has just finished writing a final draft. But there really isn’t ever a final draft; our story is ever-evolving because we’re forever-learning and editing.

So we needn’t be afraid even once our story has been published for all to read. We don’t need to stick with “our story” just because people like it, or we’re afraid to change it for fear of disappointing others. After all, we could always write a sequel and keep editing truthfully, editing often, and editing fearlessly…to our heart’s content.

Text by Flora Chan