臨終時的top five regrets

人就是這樣，不是逼在眉睫就不會下定決心，不是沒其他辦法就不會改變。懂得滿足是快樂的要素，但很多時為了安於現狀大家都放棄了很多機會。要有真正的快樂和充實人生，自欺欺人不是正確的態度，能誠實地面對自己，用行動達到真的理想才不枉此生。

這些道理其實大家都明白，但大部分人在生活的擔子下、因循的心態中，都不知不覺地忘記了，或選擇不再去問其實自己想要的是甚麼，到生命將盡時才醒覺。

Bronnie Ware是一名善終護士，她從接觸很多病人中了解到很多人其實臨終時才後悔，她在The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing中，告訴讀者最多人後悔的五件事。

Regret是後悔，而排首位的是︰I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”(我希望有勇氣忠於自己，活出自我，而不是為迎合別人而活。)

Bronnie Ware解釋：”Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.”

Honour用作動詞解給予榮譽、尊敬，也解履行、執行。Honour a promise是兌現承諾，honour a contract是履行合約，而honour a dream就是實現夢想。很多人臨死前才明白，一生中的夢想一半也實現不了，而這只可以責怪自己的選擇。同時，到生病時才明白健康是自由的根本。

不忠於自己 太努力工作
第二是：“I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”(我希望沒有這麼努力工作。)這不是說努力工作有問題，而是把太多時間放在工作上，忽略了生命中很多同樣重要或更重要的東西。

上一代仍普遍有「男主外，女主內」的觀念，有這樣後悔的多數是男性。”This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship.”後悔的是，錯過了孩子的成長過程和與伴侶相處的時間。

第三是：“I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”(我希望有表達內心真正所想的勇氣。)很多人為了跟大家和和氣氣而壓抑自己。

As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence(活得馬虎) and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment(怨憤) they carried as a result.

第四是：“I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”(我希望跟我的朋友維繫着友情。)

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by(溜走) over the years.

而第五亦是最常見的是：“I wish that I had let myself be happier.”(我希望我有讓自己開心一點。)

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in(困在) old patterns and habits.

Fear of change had them pretending(假裝) to others, and to their selves, that they were content(滿足), when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness(淘氣) in their life again.

到臨終才後悔是遲了，但這些心聲卻可以成為大家的當頭棒喝。

作者：子慧
資深傳媒工作者，歷任中、英文報章管理層。

轉載自星島日報
網上圖片